In case you haven’t heard, local dignitaries lately touted the star power of Portland Airport’s hideously funky aquamarine carpet, exalting it as grand marshal of its May 30 Starlight Parade.  The 1980s cross-hatched geometric monstrosity was chosen, apparently to proclaim how weird Portland can be, but probably so sections can be sold at outrageous prices.

There’s no need for officials to try so hard; the weirdness that abounds this town speaks for itself.

In the meantime, we’ll leave it to the local canine population to show its distaste for PDX’s old carpet.  Portland dog lovers better keep their animals firmly leashed, though, because two TSA security officers have been assigned to protect the carpet on parade day.  Perhaps the airport’s gendarmes won’t use deadly force whenever wayward animals piddle upon Portland’s pitiful celebrity rug.

After all, how can you enforce human gentility if Fido celebrates Portland’s weirdness in the animal kingdom’s time-honored custom?